13 Sep 2009

I wanna be on Broadway

So Marvel has finally published the much-anticipated "Models Inc". This is not, as you may think, the House of Ideas doing a comic based on Spelling's turgid nightmares - oh no. This is a new, hip, out-there title featuring all of Marvel's famous models, such as a certain favorite of mine.

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This comic is....yeah. The review over at CBR is, as ever, fair and non-judgmental. However, even their objective remove can't hide a certain unease with the book. And more unhappy critics have been kinda negative. The comic just doesn't work - it's not a good read, doesn't manage to be cheesy or camp, gets rather dodgy in some places (lipstick lesbians are the new black), and just comes off really BLEH, if that can be considered an analysis. It doesn't compete at all against Marvel Divas, the other Patsy-centric title Marvel has just started. (A blog about Divas will come when I finish my Patsy series)

Worst of all, our Pats has been drawn with far more attention paid to her boots than her face. I'm sure whatever comic-book reading fashionistas Marvel was hoping to get with this title will be pleased. I, however, in my capacity as a cobbler, know far more about women's footwear than a sane heterosexual man should. (Sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night). I much prefer their faces to their shoes, to be honest. Pats herself comes off looking very poorly drawn; like some distended, inbred elf. They really overdid that whole Manic Pixie Dream Girl thing.

Heigh-ho; at least she gets an action scene - she IS the only supermodel in the MU who also doubles in kicking arse, after all:

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(Now does Pats look like Freddy Kruger in the pic below, or WHAT?)

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Another minor, not-quite redeeming feature of Models Inc is the return of Hedy Wolfe, Pats' old friend from waaay back. In her 21st-century incarnation, Hedy is a lot like the Fug Girls - an acid-tongued online fashion critic, writing hilariously readable fashion commentary. It's noteworthy that she lists her hobbies as "making people cry". That's our Hedy.

In case you think I've gone all girly or summfink, like my brain has been melted by reading a stack of ancient romance comics which may have warped me GOSH if I don't get my cake ready for the competition I won't beat Hedy and Buzz will never ask me to the dance and wait, what?

What I mean to say is that I just read Models Inc because I collect Patsy-related comics. That is all.

Now just to prove how manly I am, I will roar with affirmation at the news Moon Knight's title is FINALLY being resumed. Moony is my favorite superhero of all time; this has a lot to do with the fact he's like the Rodney Dangerfield of the MU : very clever, very talented, but he just can't get no respect.

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Moon Knight is cool. Why is Moon Knight cool? BECAUSE THE PAGES ARE INKED WITH TESTOSTERONE, MY FRIENDS. This comic is so manly it reeks of aftershave. It's about a big, mean, ex-Marine with SERIOUS issues whose approach to street-crime involves carving a crescent moon in the offender's forehead. Also, he has a hot French girlfriend. So it's all good.

His relaunched title is being released next week (or the week after, as it goes here) but the solicits alone have been enough to curl my copious chest hair.

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OH MY GOD THEY'VE GIVEN HIM A MOTORBIKE. That officially makes a character a ZILLION times cooler by default, right? And did you see that, with snappy one-liners and the decapitation and shit? I told you this guys rocks. I gotta admit I'm not a huge fan of Jerome Opena's art, but he does do a good Moony.

Now I must return to doing manly, heterosexual bachelor-guy things like watching the second season of the Tudors for the third time while eating lots of banana cake (with chocolate icing), and then listening to some Bat for Lashes.

NO WAIT - I mean I'm going to listen to Kyuss real loud while air guitaring and drinking lots of cheap beer. Yes, that's right.

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